Thoughts on the meaning of marriage in modern Britain

Dear Vanessa,

It is interesting that no one ever speaks of "biological marriage".

In the past, a marriage was only considered "consummated" when the couple had had sexual intercourse, because there was an understanding, I imagine, that the marriage ceremony and legal contract merely provided the social and legal framework within which "biological marriage", the sexual union between a man and a woman, occurred.

It should not surprise us, although for some reason it does, that the relatively recent advent of reliable contraception, the possibility of easy and safe abortion and the consequent uncoupling of sex from marriage has undermined "marriage", which has been further undermined as the basis of the nuclear family by the destruction, through the advance of a money economy, of the extended family and community of which it once formed an integral part. There is no longer much, or any material need for extended family and neighbours: all you need is, not love, but MONEY - and a government that (using taxpayers' MONEY) provides essential services and social security (no just, but especially in respect to single parents).

And we wonder why we have so many social problems!! We must be a lot dumber than we think we are.

It seems to me that there are three levels of "biological marriage": the first is premature sexual intercourse with someone you either don't particularly love or are not passionately attracted to. Either way, it will not be very satisfactory. The second level involves mutual love, passion and "hingabe" (i.e. "real" orgasm, not just an ejaculation of semen in the case of the man). The third, most important and fundamental level is when the couple have a child or children, through which they are bound for ever (divorce or no divorce). Some marriages, of course, never experience the second level, although the bonds of love and/or children can more than make up for it.

"Biological marriage" is only possible between a man and a woman. Society can give gay marriage all the ceremonial and legal trappings of heterosexual marriage, but cannot make it a "biological marriage".

So, there you have some of my thoughts on marriage, Vanessa.

Best regards from

Roger (in Barkingside)

www.spaceship-earth.org

P.S. "Hingabe" is a German word that is sometimes, very inadequately, translated as "surrender". In the above context it means to let go and be carried eagerly along by passionate love for and the physical desire to impregnate/be impregnated by one's partner. I find it difficult to imagine experiencing this without being deeply in love with and committed to your partner.

P.P.S. How does one experience sexual "hingabe" when one does not what to impregnate/be impregnated by one's partner? I don't know. Perhaps someone can tell me.

To: vanessa@bbc.co.uk (Vanessa Feltz Show, BBC Radio London) Re: Thoughts on the meaning of marriage in modern Britain Date: Wednesday 11 October 06

Dear Vanessa, It is interesting that no one ever speaks of "biological marriage". In the past, a marriage was only considered "consummated" when the couple had had sexual intercourse, because there was an understanding, I imagine, that the marriage ceremony and legal contract merely provided the social and legal framework within which "biological marriage", the sexual union between a man and a woman, occurred. It should not surprise us, although for some reason it does, that the relatively recent advent of reliable contraception, the possibility of easy and safe abortion and the consequent uncoupling of sex from marriage has undermined "marriage", which has been further undermined as the basis of the nuclear family by the destruction, through the advance of a money economy, of the extended family and community of which it once formed an integral part. There is no longer much, or any material need for extended family and neighbours: all you need is, not love, but MONEY - and a government that (using taxpayers' MONEY) provides essential services and social security (no just, but especially in respect to single parents). And we wonder why we have so many social problems!! We must be a lot dumber than we think we are. It seems to me that there are three levels of "biological marriage": the first is premature sexual intercourse with someone you either don't particularly love or are not passionately attracted to. Either way, it will not be very satisfactory. The second level involves mutual love, passion and "hingabe" (i.e. "real" orgasm, not just an ejaculation of semen in the case of the man). The third, most important and fundamental level is when the couple have a child or children, through which they are bound for ever (divorce or no divorce). Some marriages, of course, never experience the second level, although the bonds of love and/or children can more than make up for it. "Biological marriage" is only possible between a man and a woman. Society can give gay marriage all the ceremonial and legal trappings of heterosexual marriage, but cannot make it a "biological marriage". So, there you have some of my thoughts on marriage, Vanessa. Best regards from Roger (in Barkingside) www.spaceship-earth.org P.S. "Hingabe" is a German word that is sometimes, very inadequately, translated as "surrender". In the above context it means to let go and be carried eagerly along by passionate love for and the physical desire to impregnate/be impregnated by one's partner. I find it difficult to imagine experiencing this without being deeply in love with and committed to your partner. P.P.S. How does one experience sexual "hingabe" when one does not what to impregnate/be impregnated by one's partner? I don't know. Perhaps someone can tell me.